Ask Others, Trust Yourself by Elisa Balabram

How about if as today’s self-love practice, you put emphasis on what’s positive and loving in your life, and less emphasis on what’s not working? How about if you transform any negative feedback you ever got, into positive action to make it happen? This is the choice I’m making today, and here are two episodes that happened to me on the same evening.

I’m taking a 6-week Creative Writing class, as one of my investing in myself self-love practices, and this happened on the third class. Unfortunately, though not surprisingly, I received less than encouraging feedback from our first assignment that was due on the second class. When I first read it, I thought maybe I will never be a creative writer after all, or my brain is just not wired that way. Then I decided to shift my thinking, and have hopes that maybe when the course is over, I will have learned enough to shift my brain, to practice, and to write creatively. Even though I’m not avoiding the feelings that came up from reading her feedback, or from the way I interpreted it, I’m choosing to be grateful for something that happened before the class.

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I have read a lot about the Law of Attraction over the years, and about paying attention to our thoughts and feelings. In my experience, it is a constant practice of shifting the mind, rewiring thoughts, and replacing them with new and healthier ones. It is easy to get caught up in thoughts of drama, of doom and gloom, of failure, of loses. Or maybe it is just me.

If you are still reading this article, it probably means that I’m not alone, and you too have your drama thought moments. Thank you for being there with me as well.

We had a couple of snowstorms and extreme weather conditions, and the subway system in New York suffered a little bit, and I decided to reframe my thoughts when there were subway issues.

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How many times do you have misunderstandings with relationships, with clients, with co-workers, with employees, and in life in general? Sometimes we believe we are as clear as possible, and others still receive our message a different way. I have hanging in my wall a drawing that reminds me that we all see, experience, and feel even the same things in our own unique way. It is a good reminder that not everyone will always get exactly what we mean, and we may need to paint the whole scenario a different way to get our message across.

Here is the story of the drawings on this post:

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I wrote a lot about self-love in the last couple of months. I also practiced every day each suggestion that I posted. Yet, some evenings I just wanted to crawl under the bed and say forget about self-love! I would indulge in not feeling good enough, not being perfect, feeling less than. Then, through a moment of clarity, I would remember that I had tools to deal with those feelings. But I was too far gone to make the moment of clarity last, or to actually use the tools, so I would go back to the familiar – resistance.

I would resist moving forward, and I would be stuck between allowing myself to feel all the feelings that came up, and simply avoiding them altogether. Can you relate? What do you do when you simply want to avoid those feelings that are percolating?  Do you usually try to avoid them or do you allow yourself to feel them fully? The more we resist, the longer they stay around, yet it is hard to take the first step.

Here are a few things that I learned to practice to get beyond the internal self-talk that wants to curse self-love and just feel bad for days:

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I hope you had a wonderful and meaningful New Year's celebration! I had the opportunity to spend it with family and it was wonderful to be in their presence.

As a week has gone by in 2014, I'd like to remind you of how important it is to look at the big picture – we all know this, but then when something happens or doesn't according to plan, we tend to forget it.

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© Copyright 2014

Do you usually set New Year's resolutions? If yes, do you keep them? What kind of resolutions do you usually set? If you don't set any resolutions, why not? Take a moment to reflect on these questions and check if setting a resolution for 2014 would make a difference in your life.

The only new year's resolution I ever kept was when I decided to laugh more. If you are going to set a new year's resolution, make it count. Consider what came up for you during the meditation I posted to release 2013 and embrace 2014, and create a resolution that will help you make it happen.

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As the end of the year approaches, take some time to meditate, to be grateful, to let go of 2013, and to visualize the possibilities of 2014.

Here is a meditation I suggest:

Sit in a comfortable position, relax and close your eyes. Breathe deeply at least three times, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. See yourself relaxing all parts of your body, starting from your head, eyes, jaw, neck, shoulders, arms, hands, fingers, back, thighs, legs, feet, and your whole body. Place your hand on your heart, and breathe.

As we go through the motions of the end of the year, what it means, and the possibilities of new beginnings, let's take time to smell the roses.

Before you consider creating an intention for the new year, or create a plan for your business and life, take a moment to be present and enjoy this moment. If you can get flowers this time of year, do it, and then spend some time with it, enjoying its beauty, and allowing it to impact you. Then, you will be ready to receive inspiration for the year ahead.

Remember to include self-love in your intentions for the new year.

Yes, I meant to say the end of 2014. ; ) I suggest doing an exercise in which you start by imagining it is the end of next year. Imagine that it is December 31^st 2014, and you are about to write how you did in terms of your self-love practices. What is it that you would like to be the most proud of at the end of the year?

Here are a few suggestions:

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