Clarify Your Priorities:
Today’s self-love challenge is about clarifying what you are really prioritizing in your life. We are usually either moving towards what we want to create, or moving away from what we want to avoid. I know from personal experience that trying to move away from what we don’t want, tends to have the opposite effect.
I recently did an exercise from the book “No Bad Feelings! A Revolutionary Way of Relating to Your Emotions” by June and Jim Spencer, and it really resonated with me. It is a great book that helps you understand your feelings and the importance of feeling them; and it is available for download at the Let Go & Live Institute website. I’m reprinting the exercise (with permission) below, called “Clarifying Priorities” (pages 143 to 145). This exercise helps you to go deeper within to identify what your most important priorities in life are and what feelings you are committing to either creating or avoiding every day.
I recommend that prior to reading the exercise, you breathe deeply three times, connect with your heart, and set the intention that your priorities will be shown to you with ease. To achieve best results, do not read part B until you completed part A of the exercise.
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“Process 1: Clarifying Priorities*
A
This process is divided into three parts. All three are similar, but all are essential. Write down five things you want most in your life. If you can’t think of five, write as many as you can. Prioritize the list by marking 1 next to the one you want the most, then continue through 5, the one you want least. Then start at the bottom of the list and say, “In order to have 4 (whatever 4 is), I’d be willing to give up 5 (whatever 5 is) forever.”
Be sure to say “forever,” and be sure to make the declaration out loud. There’s some commitment that happens when the statement is vocal. If you find the statement is not true, reverse it. “In order to have 5, I’d be willing to give up 4 forever.” Then 4 becomes 5. If neither seems true, pick one. You have to make a choice, or the process won’t work. Pretend that a spaceship is leaving for one of two planets—you can go to 5 or 4, but not both. Then reprioritize your list if necessary. Keep going up the list. “In order to have 3, I’d be willing to give up 4 forever.” Continue until you have a 1.
Here is a hint for possible difficulties along the way: If one of the 5 priorities is something akin to, “I want my wife to stop nagging me,” the process won’t work. Part A is about what you want, not what you want to avoid.
Why go through this whole process? Why not just write the list and prioritize it? Because, for some unknown reason, hearing yourself vocalize, and use the word “forever” makes it an experience rather than a concept. You may be surprised at how often the priorities rearrange themselves. This is process 1-A.
B
Make a list of five things you would like to avoid, or erase from your life. Write 1 next to the biggest aversion and 5 next to the least bothersome. Then continue as you did in 1-A. Only this time, the wording changes slightly: “In order to avoid 4, I’d be willing to accept 5 forever.” This is where the “forever” will really make a difference. Continue using this phrase as you go up this list.
If, in part B, you have a priority that states “I want God to rid the world of cancer,” it won’t work either. Not because we spoke to God and He refused, but because you need to discover the feeling behind the situation you’re trying to avoid. It could be feeling powerless to help those in need. It could be a wish to eliminate something you believe is wrong. It could simply be your aversion to feeling victimized. This is process 1-B.
C
Now comes the real test. Here’s where you see where your true commitment lies. You’ll need to compare lists. First, identify the feeling that goes with 1 on your A list, and the feeling that goes with 1 on your B list. Then say, “In order to have 1 on the A list and the feeling that goes with it, I’ll be willing to accept 1 on the B list and the feeling that goes with it forever.”
If that works for you, you can be certain you are running to the angels. If 1 on the B list takes priority, you will at least be able to identify the goblins you’re running from. Keep these lists available and see how closely you honor them each day. You may use this process for any list you wish to prioritize or decision you want to make. “In order to get this job, I’m willing to give up certain conveniences forever.” It’s main purpose here, however, is to help you begin to see what your real commitments in life are, and just what you’ve made more important than what you say will make you happy.”
* Reprinted with permission from No Bad Feelings! (Copyright 2002). Let Go and Live, Institute, LTD.
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The first time I followed this exercise, I learned that I was more committed to avoiding the feeling number 1 of the B list, than in having what I most wanted from the A list and the feeling that came with it. It was a big A-HA moment for me. How about for you?
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