Being Real and Vulnerable

After I published the article “Get over it already, or maybe not”, I felt sick to my stomach. The thoughts that came to mind included, how can you share this with the world wide web?, what will people think of you?, did you just admit you failed?, what did you just do? Those are just some of the thoughts that came up for me, combined with the body sensations of sickness.

Luckily, I had to attend a lunch meeting, and couldn’t keep dwelling on those thoughts. When I got home, a few hours later, I was encouraged by all the responses the article had gotten. They included supportive comments, acknowledgment of the process I described, and gratitude by those experiencing a similar situation.  It was wonderful to read the posts offering additional information to help those going through their own healing process.

The comments kept coming, by email, Facebook messages, comments within the article, and even in person meetings. Many told me that thanks to my article they realized they weren’t alone, they realized they weren’t the only ones going through a heart break, and that it was fine to  reach out for support. I also deeply appreciate the thank you notes from those who found the strategy of living moment to moment helpful.

Interestingly enough, others who have not read the article are also becoming even more vulnerable and open with me than they ever allowed themselves to be. The reality is that once you let go of your masks, and you become fully real with yourself first and foremost, and with others, people respond to you the same way.

How are you being real? Ask yourself the following questions:

• How often do you go within to consider and acknowledge your deepest feelings and desires? If the answer is never, or not often enough, commit to a daily practice of reflection, acknowledgment, and self-love. It may only take five minutes, and it will make a big difference.
• Who do you have in your life today, that you can fully be yourself around? If you can’t think of anyone right now, ask yourself, who is real with me? If no one comes to mind, choose someone you consider trustworthy, listen to your intuition, and then invite him or her for tea and be real! See what happens. Word of caution – before you take this step, please check and trust your intuition to make sure you are making a good choice.
• Where would you feel safe being vulnerable? If the previous question does not bring anyone to mind, could you, more comfortably, be vulnerable in front of strangers? Could you post your true feelings on a blog post? Could you take a chance and perform somewhere with an open mic?
• How do you behave with friends, family, customers, staff, etc? Next time you are around others, take the role of the self-observer, and start noticing if when you are with them, you are playing a role. The role of the good girl (don’t you love it?), of the entertainer, of the funny, of the peacekeeper, of the troublemaker, of the quiet, of the pleaser, of the problem solver, or of the know it all, etc. Or, could you simply show up and be your true self?
• How would your life look like if you embraced feeling real and fearlessly vulnerable? The rewards you will receive from being vulnerable will make the fears and insecurities of being exposed fully worthwhile. Being vulnerable is an opportunity to free yourself from the many layers and shields you’ve created over your lifetime. Once you express your truth, you can breathe more easily and it will be transformational.

Remember to always check with your intuition and to trust it.

My own feelings of being vulnerable and exposed, reminded me of these two brave Ted Talks by Brené Brown, and I recommend you watch them, in case you are interested in fully showing up for yourself and for others:

The Power of Vulnerability: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

And the follow up video – Listening to Shame: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

Feel free to show your vulnerability and truth in the comments below or contact me by email.

Best,

Elisa