The image above of our backyard shows how, at the time the photo was taken, the ice had melted where the sun shone. The remaining ice was shaded by our fence. I ask myself, as sunlight melts ice, could our own lights, our care, our values of human life, and our empathy melt I.C.E.? Could we help our neighbors who choose only to watch entertaining lies to see the truth of what’s happening?
Last month, through meditation and intuitive writing, I questioned my reasons for hiding in a few areas of my life. The insight came as something obvious – fear. Fear of all that is happening thanks to the powers that be. That realization was followed by the misconception that staying small is safe. Furthermore, the main A-HA moment came with the knowing that fear only feeds the herd consciousness and does exactly what is required for things to stay the same. I decided No More – it was time to make different choices and take action.
In the beginning of the year, I noticed a critical voice in my head. It wasn’t my inner critic—this voice repeated a phrase a supervisor used to refer to colleagues, indirectly referring to me. It may or may not surprise you that it had been over three years since the event happened. Yet, the thought of that phrase lingered and became louder. After feeling stuck, not good enough, and letting it stop me from moving forward on a few projects, I came up with a creative solution. Through meditation and writing prompts, I decided to rewrite my experience with a different ending. I wrote a story about a fictional character, Hayla, who faced the same situation.
During this time of intense emotions and animosity towards one another, it might make a difference to take some time to empathize and to consider guessing the stories/drivers behind someone’s attitudes and behaviors. Here are two examples of how I have done it using the "Maybe Game".
On a narrow one-lane road, driving to the ferry to head back to Seattle after a weekend away, we encountered a car that was not moving fast enough. I noticed they were moving close to the speed limit, and not at the unwritten rule of driving 5 mph above the limit or faster. As my husband started to get annoyed about it, since he had a meeting to go to back in Seattle and we couldn’t miss the ferry, I decided to distract him by coming up with reasons why the car in front of us kept that speed:
During one of my morning meditations last week, I heard this message – It’s time. When I reflected on what it meant, I realized it meant that it is time to start posting on this site again. Here I am. Yet, I feel the need to share what I have been up to since the last blog I posted was in the summer of 2020.
I haven’t gone anywhere, at least not away from the computer for long periods. In the past three years, without posting here, I journaled daily, wrote a case study about my family’s business that got published, coauthored an academic book, and left a 10.5-year career in academia. A bit over a year ago, I moved west with my husband and started attending an MFA in Creative Writing and Poetics at the University of Washington - Bothell. Earlier this year, my father passed away, and I’m grateful to have been with him the month before. In the past year, I wrote about my father, I wrote assignments, and I conducted writing experiments that exceeded my comfort zone on many occasions. It has not been much time without writing, although I did not post here.
“If I think of you as somehow different from me, if I think that I'm Tibetan, I'm Buddhist, an Easterner, I'm a monk or even something grand like His Holiness the Dalai Lama, this kind of thinking automatically creates a gap between us. It results in a sense of unease. On the other hand, if I consider you as another human being, just like me, then that source of anxiety disappears.” Dalai Lama (Retrieved from Facebook post on July 4th 2020)
My heart, together with hearts all around the world, feels for all Black Lives. How they are treated, and how the system is set up to hinder their opportunities from birth, [NY Times article]; how police have at times been trained to treat humans differently based on skin color; and how laws, and policies have not been enough to protect their rights. It is also alarming how the Coronavirus is further demonstrating racial inequalities in Black and Latinx communities [NY Times article].
Here is a creative activity to do on your own, with roommates, with the kids, or even virtually with a friend. I often write about my adventures painting shoes and clothes, and I thought it would be fun to share my process with you.
Ingredients:
Before the year ends, how about taking a moment to reflect on all the joyful moments you had throughout the year? A few days ago, I was talking to a friend, who said that he was ready for the year to end. There were several worrisome things happening throughout the year, and he was hoping the new year would be different. When I asked about a few serious concerns from the previous year, he mentioned that all is well, and acknowledged that there were some blessings this year. I don’t think my friend is alone in focusing on the things that were hard, and when adding them up, it becomes even more painful.
Throughout the year, I thought about what brings me joy, as things got tough for different reasons: health, life, work, stress, loud inner critic, etc., and I wanted to add joy to my heart and soul. I reminded myself of what one of my teachers Robert Baker (RIP), used to say: energy follows attention. If we are giving attention to what’s not working, there will be more energy going that way, and it will likely grow.
I have been painting my clothes for several years now. It started with painting shoes, than T-shirts, and dresses. (Some samples in this post’s image). My needs for authenticity, contribution, being seen, and self-expression are all met when I paint and when I wear my art. It also inspires others to do the same, and I’m always excited to share the process and tools.
Last year, when I got engaged, I wasn’t sure exactly what my wedding dress would look like, but I was sure I wanted to paint it. When friends asked about my wedding dress, I shared my intention. I received some support and some criticism about it. Both relevant but it didn’t matter. The decision had been made. It was hard to find a dress that I would be willing to paint, until a dear friend recommended a local shop in Brooklyn that makes custom dresses. I chose the high/low shape I wanted, and the dress was ready about five weeks before the wedding.
I attended the 10-day silent Vipassana retreat last December in Shelburne Falls, MA. It was an incredibly hard and wonderful experience. If you don’t know about it, and would like to learn more, I recommend you visit their website at dhamma.org.
The meditation and Vipassana teachings are provided through recordings of the teacher S. N. Goenka. And one of the phrases he repeats and reminds us of, is that “This will also change”. Everything in life, or within us is impermanent.
Although there were many lessons, transformational experiences, and stories, the one I’m feeling most compelled to share is about nature.
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